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"I've only lived 18 years, but I don't want to change any of them. They're all part of my life, even the failures." -Makise Kurisu
With the holidays coming closer I've been thinking a lot about family lately. The necessity of it, the reasons for having it, the reasons for keeping it, and so on and so forth. I've come to the realization that there is more than just one kind of family. I have three in fact. Three distinct families that have made me into the person I am today, Three different families that if it weren't for them I wouldn't be here today.
The first one is obviously my birth family. With a mom and dad (this year was their 25th anniversary in fact) two older sisters and a older half-brother needless to say that alone time isn't generally in abundance, at least in the traditional sense. I'm without a doubt the proverbial black sheep of the family not for any bad reasons mind you. I've never had any interest in sports while my dad and two sisters go crazy every Sunday night. My oldest sister Nicole (yes I know how close our names are) is following in my mom's footsteps and working in the medical field. My brother is currently working with my dad at his construction company, which I've tried doing several times and it's always ended with us yelling at each other. Even when they're not doing something together most night they all usually spend at least a few hours just sitting in the family room with the occasional mild chatter. I on the other hand am usually sitting by myself in the basement. It's where my whole set up is, all of my gaming consoles, my computer, and all of my stuff. As it is my bedroom is only used for sleeping. I'm in the same house, I'm still a part of the family, and I've never felt unloved, but if I'm not out with friends I feel alone in that basement. My only interaction with my family most days is when they need to me run something up or down the basement steps. Despite all of that I know they have my back when I need them. In the end they are still my family, not matter how different I feel, no matter how lonely I might get, no matter how far I'll inevitably move away, I know that they'll always be there for me. My second family is my "created family", my friends. The best way to describe them would an eclectic group to say the least. Half of us from Springfield, half from Ridley, and few from just around. I've always felt that this kind of family is the hardest to maintain, but the most rewarding when you do. The only thing keeping a group like mine to together is a sense of mutual acceptance, liking, and shared interest. If any one person stops feeling like any of those three aspects are true it's easy enough for them to find a group of like minded individuals to hang out with. There's no traditional sense of family that says that just because we share the same parents or one gave birth to another that we have to stick it out through the bullshit. There's no memories of growing up in the same house to together. The only thing keeping friends together is the mutual agreement to do so. That's also why I think friends are the strongest connection you can have. At any point I can choose to walk away from them and the same goes for them, but even through everything that has happened, that is happening, and that will happen I've been lucky enough to surround myself with people that will always be there for me because they want to be. What keeps my group together is the sense of family that can only come from when you make a true connection with people and really open yourself up to them. The sense that the person who's shoulder you're crying on is there not because of some obligation they fell that they have, but because they genuinely care about you. The sense that the fun you're having on a Friday night and the camaraderie you feel won't still be there when you look back on that memory in ten years. This is the most fragile type of family by far, but it can also be the strongest connection you can have with any group. My third family is one I haven't spoken to in a while, but that doesn't matter because I know I'll be welcomed back when I can eventually afford my subscription again. My Free Company Harmonium in the MMO Final Fantasy XIV. I know none of their real names. I know the country some of them live in and even some of the states for my more 'local' clan mates. I know two of them work with horses, I know a few of them are in college, I know back when I first joined I was the youngest member at age seventeen. I know so little about all of them, but they are still family to me. When a gamer finds a guild they synchronize with, a group of people that they have some kind of other world connection with it's hard to look away from. Now families two and three can very easily overlap, I've never had the chance to do so, but I know a couple of people that have met with online friend in real life. The distinction comes from when they are separate entities. Close nit guilds in any game can be the family people go to to escape their real life families. It's the feel of escapism that games can give people while also giving them a group of people to escape to. I love all of my families, even the ones I don't get to visit as often as I would like. They all have helped shape me into who I am and they've all helped keep me here, whether or not they know it. Friends are important. Your hobbies are important. Family is essential.
1 Comment
10/15/2018 07:14:34 pm
I have been away from my blood family now for about 3 years and even before that we were separated. My experience in Life has taught me family is not blood and its a name thrown around to much. The people I call family now are the people who act like family, in my life there is such a difference. This was a GREAT BLOG, THANK YOU!
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Nick D'AversaWriter, outstandingly good at mouthing along to songs, level 9 Dragonborn Blood Hunter, and just trying to figure out what in the hell I'm doing. Archives
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